I apologize for lapses in blog posts. If you've been following me on tumblr or on facebook you've seen more art and activity in the past months.
I'd like to start by criticizing Google's linked account ability which allows me to edit multiple youtube accounts wihtout logging out but not multiple blogger accounts because that's just a shame. I'd have so much more to say on this blog if I didn't have to log out of gmail, youtube, gchat and etc to do it.
Anyway, I've been editing and editing for the elapsed time, finally ready to send to more agents. The last batch passed, which is fine, the manuscript is stronger now, and hopefully worth pursuing. i'll update everyone with my progress soon. Until then, have some art I've created in the time we've been apart.
I know every writer gets rejections, I'm not naive enough to think I'd be immune from the inevitability, but that doesn't make them easy. The interesting part of it is analyzing how I respond to them. I'm obviously a pleaser, I'm learning it more every day.
When I receive a rejection, I hit a kind of panic mode. I don't get angry; getting angry is projected negative energy. I don't necessarily get sad either, even though being sad is probably the healthiest response. I get panicky and I get doubtful and I start to believe all my faiths are delusions.
It's shocking how quickly it turns. I was at lunch today with a friend of mine who believes in me unconditionally. She read the first three chapters of my book and loved them, giving them sincere praise and lots of encouragement. I thanked her over and over and assured her, in full confidence, that I would keep trying despite getting rejections. I'm only beginning along this path. Then, the minute our lunch was over, I opened my email to find a rejection and I instantly doubted my merit.
Thinking about it, I can rationalize why this is. It's because I feel like I'm doing the best that I can. I'm making the best story I can produce with all the work and attention I can afford. Receiving a rejection fills me with this intense fire to fix things. I want to make the book better for having received the rejection but I have such a hard time pushing through what I considered was "the best I could manage". This makes my paranoid mind call into question my ability and taste level. I'm terrified that I'm clueless and delusional about my own abilities and skill level - of those who think they are God's gift to their particular field but are actually stuck in the mediocre.
I want so badly for Threadcaster to do well. I want it to be a big success - I really think it could be, and I'm terrified of failure. Not only of not making it to the national market, but also of being a blip on the radar. I feel like the world and its inhabitants could resonate with audiences, and I have faith in its promise, but there's so much that's out of my hands. If the world that receives my baby isn't receptive then my big dream and my best shot might die on the table. I'm not ready for that, and I'm not ready for by best job to be nothing special. If only passion could sell a book.
On my way home from a family wedding in Dallas TX, I find myself in a Holiday Inn Express in Vinita OK. I legitimately love it here.
Not to live... holy cow not to live... but as a tourist of a legitimate small-town USA burg I'm enraptured. All the local restaurants are closed unfortunately (it's Memorial Day) but the hotel is very nice, they have hot tea, and there's a thunderstorm on the way. I've got the second half of Chapter 25 to rewrite but I thought I'd take a moment to update the world.
So I haven't written in my blog recently because I've been busy in the publishing world. I hesitate to go into details, but it's requiring one last-minute scan through the full draft, an editor I made contact with on Facebook and the hopes and dreams of the last eight years. I'm hoping the effort pays off. I know having interest is driving me to finish this polishing-off.
Something I'd love to do though, one day, is to take a writing vacation to a small town like this... maybe me and another person (a fellow writer) and we'd pick a new coffeeshop/restaurant to camp at every day until we've explored most the whole town. Just sit and write forever for, like, 3 days. It sounds dreamy. Vinita OK is small enough that their fire truck is a pickup with a hose in the back. It's parked outside my hotel right now and I'm not sure why... maybe because everywhere else is closed and this is as likely a place as any to get struck by lightning.
Someday I also want to go on a Writing Cruise. One of those transition cruises that go from, like, SanDiego to Vancouver in the off-season? No stops, no excursions, just me, all the hot tea and blended coffee I can consume, and nowhere to go.
Maybe when Threadcaster's a thing we'll have a big Threadcaster writing cruise and I'll open it up to any other writers/readers/fans etc and we'll all cruise together. I'll write the sequel, you all write your own novels. Some of you can even write TC fanfic, I know I'm DYING for that inevitable Trace/Artemis slash fic (and by dying I mean I can't wait to know it exists and never ever read it and that's the honest truth. I can't wait to know it exists somewhere, the pairing is SO obvious). Anyway - writing cruise - it'll be the best thing ever.
To start with, I think it's a sin to occupy the only chairs at Barnes and Noble near power outlets when all you want is to nap. Sleep in chairs I don't need!
Second I have lots of news in the world of Threadcaster. Firstly the novel and I went to the Missouri Writer's Guild's 2012 conference here in town. I learned lots of things about voice and character. I also pitched to two agents and both asked for partials! So that was good news.
I worked for a week after the conference on my first three chapters. Getting them beta'd, read aloud, edited, the works... then Monday I took the plunge and sent them off.
Ten minutes later -- ten minutes -- I got a reply from one of them asking for the full. This is the dream of any author! A full draft read by a real agent!? Elation.
Or by elation I mean panic... because I was kinda counting on those four to six weeks agents ask for to do the whole beta-read-aloud-edit-final draft stuff on the REST of the book. So I asked for a couple weeks which she was gracious enough to provide and went all-in on this draft.
Which brings us to now. I'm sucking down chocolate milkshakes and tea in Barnes and Noble praying the amount of books around me will radiate brilliant literary confidence and lucidity because my brain is a curly fry and my emotions are just as frazzled. It makes you wonder why people are writers at all... but only for a minute. The fact is that for all the pain I am LOVING this. I'm collapsed in a mound of drool and tears but I wouldn't have it any other way. I have an excuse to write forever. Forever and always. If I didn't need food or rest I'd be golden, it's the rest of the world that's making me crazy...
I'll update when I'm further on.
OH and btw if you all are interested, Threadcaster has a tumblr now. http://threadcaster.tumblr.com/
I'm a visual thinker so a lot of my character and plot brainstorms come out as pictures which I'll post up there. If you're interested in seeing Threadcaster art on the casual follow or bookmark! I predict a lot of frustrated Cats and Peters coming up... and maybe one or two Sharons with holes in her head.
So I finished Catching Fire, the second in the Hunger Games series.
My review? Better than book 1. The intrigue and character development were much better in this volume. I enjoyed seeing everyone change - which is what I was missing in HG - and seeing how Katniss' actions affected the world she lived in. I'm not anxiously anticipating book 3 because the ending of this book left me jaded and disinterested, but I'll have to read it now I guess. What's the point of reading two of three? Especially when the books are so short and fast. I like the pacing of them and the sense of adventure. We'll see if the series' lack of satisfying conclusions plays out better in the concluding volume (can you hear my skepticism?)
I also saw the Hunger Games movie and it was Amazing and Fantastic and better than the book. They fleshed out the world a bit more and gave us a firmer grasp on the conflict, plus not being in whiny Katniss' head the whole time let us become involved in the story unfolding and the emotions and relationships of other characters.
THREADCASTER NEWS - I've made great progress in the draft. I've gotten past that road block that has kept me so preoccupied and I'm now rewriting more manageable things. I just finished a section that barely needed to be touched! It's so refreshing to revise instead of rewrite, it strengthens the faith I have in myself and my writing. Hopefully the rest of the draft will proceed as smoothly.